2010: Houston Sports

My two loves, music and sport, and I get to write about them in the same fucking day. Spectacular. :D

On American soil, I might be having the worst sports year I can remember. Disappointment is the cornerstone of Houston sports, with the slight foray into the champion’s spotlight in basketball,WNBA, and MLS within the past 20 years. Those are the only three major championships any teams from Houston have won in that time span. Before then. AFL championships were really the only things Houston sports fans could hang their hats on. Unfortunately, the Houston Rockets couldn’t even manage a lottery pick or a playoff spot last season. They slithered themselves into that enviable position of no future and no present. Moving Tracy McGrady proved fruitless, and as this current season continues, the team has lost Yao once more along the way for the season, and probably his career. Les has a lot of problems to address. I feel that Adelman is a great coach, but the ingredients are definitely not there.

This is the part where I talk about the Astros.

The Houston Texans have had the most disappointing season in their short history. I’m not just saying this because I’m a fan. It has to be the greatest gap between expectation and performance we have ever put together. The team [read: defense] has continually failed to prove the pundits correct. Now, at 5 – 9, the Texans’ season is essentially over. Kubiak has to go with the rest of his staff. The team has consistently showed up unprepared and unmotivated. If the Texans could play in the 1st quarter as they did in the 4th, we’d be 11-5 this season with a shot at an AFC Championship game.

Bob McNair has to strongly consider letting GM Rick Smith go. Smith left the Texans with what basically amounted to the Senior Bowl’s starting line-up as the foundation of our secondary after we let Dunta leave. We’ve relied too much on glorified linebacker Bernard Pollard to cover deep. Our corners can’t swivel their hips well enough or jump routes successfully enough to make most NFL rosters. With Josh McDaniels out of Denver, it seems likely that Gary is going to head to Denver, and Bob is going to have to get himself a coach that holds his players accountable.

Luckily, our offense is great, and will continue to be great, but as it is with most Houston teams, we can never get all facets of the game going at once. It’s either pitching or hitting. It’s either offense or defense. The Texans’ offense can’t keep this level of play up for much longer, and the young defense will probably never catch up. That’s the saddest thought of all. The country will never see what I see in the Houston Texans.


Hey, Check out "Mr. Stupid Face" trying to be cool!
Hey, Check out "Mr. Stupid Face" trying to be cool!

I feel like I’m the least photogenic person in the world.  I, like most of you, think my face is stupid and that I have no business being in front of a camera, unless it’s an excuse to document I have been somewhere.

Since we’re all creatures born in the 20th century, most of us have tons of photos ranging from our tiniest forms to our fully leveled up selves.  I’m currently a Level 80 South Austinite with an epic mount.  It’s a Honda.

A majority of our lives are lived in front of cameras now.  At work, there’s always a camera on me.  It watched me shelves, zone, receive and talk to customers.  One time, it even caught me rolling my eyes so HARD at my store manager because she wouldn’t heed my advice, that it was shown to every employee in the store.  It was named “Dago’s Frustration”.  This work of art was just more evidence of why I don’t want to be in front of a camera ever.  As necessary as store surveillance is, I still hate thinking about myself being filmed.  I will make an ass out of myself.  I guarantee.

I’m very uncomfortable in front of the camera.  I usually make a stupid face, or just don’t look into the camera.  Like a lot of my relationships, I’m reluctant to make eye contact with the camera, and I usually look away or hide behind a column.

However, this behavior is easily remedied with a few adult beverages…

And from what I can tell, most pictures people take and post on social networking sites are of four varieties:

  1. Pictures of places:  Hey, bro! Look at this place! Italy was so rad.
  2. Pictures of their stupid drunk asses: Hey, skanks! Being drunk is so rad!
  3. For vanity’s sake
  4. Miscellaneous

Being drunk is rad, but I don’t really like seeing my Stalker Feed filled with photos of your drunk face.  Similarly to Def Leppard, I don’t want your PHOTOGRAAAAPH!

[I know who I’m getting shit from for this next part.]

Females tend to have a “go-to” facial (teehee! I just said “facial”) expression when they’re taking pictures.  Drunk or not, you can pretty much count on what face your female friend is going to make when a camera comes out, if you know her well enough.  How they’ve decided this pose somehow embodies and embellishes their playful/sexy sides beats me.  I don’t want to think that people sit in front of their mirrors and practice their camera faces, but it’s entirely possible.  There’s nothing wrong with looking your best.  I’ve been known to put on some rouge and hit the town from time to time (Read As: that one time in college).

The go-to camera face lacks in authenticity.  Authenticity is our goal here, people.  It’s what a lot of our peers are obsessed with daily.  At least that’s what Christian Lander told me.

Granted, most people have more than one picture face in their repertoire:

  • The Fake Scream
  • The Pout
  • The Sexy Stare
  • Not Paying Attention
  • The “I’m nonchalantly just making this sideways face”
  • Myspace photo
  • And probably a bunch I’ve missed

I think social networking sites have hurt our ability to actually capture candid moments through photos.  Knowing that most of the pictures taken (especially the embarrassing ones) will make it to a Facebook album, or even twitpic, we have to act as “cool” as possible.  We can’t actually be “ourselves” (check the quotation “abuse” HAHA).

I’ve fallen victim to this phenomenon myself, and I’ve come to terms with my mistakes.  I try to avoid cameras.  Like a good session of Pokemon Snap! on N64, you can try to catch me in my natural habitat, but like the elusive Psyduck, I will try to evade you as frantically as possible.  As much as I love attention, I would rather not appear in a photo.

I just made a fucking Pokemon reference.

Who wants a high-five/battle?,


PS:  The blog is going to be updated on Mondays now.  I know!  You all love it being on Sundays, but I need to move it because (don’t hate me) football season is starting.  The Texans and the rest of the NFL need my undivided attention, and if there’s going to be a lockout in 2011, I need to get as much football as I can.  Anyway, Go Texans!

PPS:  I love all of you that read this blog.

PPPS: I love football.