Too soon.

Bob Bamber of Own Goal Podcast asked the other day what our Premier League team of the season so far is. We’re only 6 games in, but I think this would be a great way to talk about how the Prem is shaping up and the impressive individual performances this season. Also, it’ll be a good way to redeem myself for the outrageous team I suggested to Bob on Twitter. I tried to fit just about every center mid in the league in my initial team. What can I say. I likes what I likes. Let’s go with a wide 4-2-3-1, aye? It’s what I play in Football Manager.

Goalkeeper

Petr Cech, Chelsea 

Call me a homer if you want, but I’m going to go with the guy with the most clean sheets at the best defensive record. Cech has been one of the top 10 keepers in the world for years. Last season, he got Chelsea out of some tight jams. This year he is doing much of the same with his intelligence, stature, leadership, and ability. Lovely to see a player with so many years left to give play so well. Some may consider Cech’s game a bit debilitated by his massive head injury, especially in set pieces. I believe it’s made him a smarter player, and the hat’s really cute.

Defenders

Ashley Cole, Chelsea

Another homer pick. Within the last month or so, Cole himself has claimed that Real Madrid’s Marcelo is the world’s best left back.  This week Carlo Ancelotti said Ashley was the best left back in the world. I don’t know where all this talk about left backs started. As Jürgen Klinsmann assured the American media, ANYONE CAN  PLAY LEFT BACK. Anyway, an up and down summer that began in May with the Champions League Final and included that missed penalty against Italy hasn’t affected Cole’s form for his club. At 32 years old, Ashley still works as hard for the team as anyone else on the field. His energy and his ability to defend and attack has been critical to a Chelsea team whose left side has for years lacked in consistent quality in attack. Currently, Ashley is in negotiations with Chelsea about the length of his contract. I believe Chelsea would be wise to keep him around as long as possible. His heir apparent, Ryan Bertrand, is ready, but Cole’s experience and ability would be something Chelsea would be foolish to let go. Plus, Ashley does a great job of riling up Arsenal fans — namely, massive fuckwit Piers Morgan. Honestly, I think blokes like Cole and Terry are fueled by boos and abuse. Weird to me. I would just cry.

Jonas Olsson, West Bromwich Albion

This might be an odd pick for some people. West Brom has been pretty tight defensively, and I like to attribute that to the leadership and ability Olsson displays. Every time I watch West Brom play, I’m impressed by their organization at the back. I think Clarke is doing a great job, and Olsson is the perfect player to execute his vision for WBA. One of the few internationals on WBA’s squad, Olsson is great at ushering his backline, communicating, and defending on set pieces. Also, he looks fucking terrifying, which is always a plus for a defender.

Jan Vertonghen, Tottenham Hotspur

If his form continues, he might become one of the best signings of the season. With William Gallas at the back help team him the ropes and rein him in a bit, Vertonghen has quickly become an impact player on Tottenham’s squad. His early goal in the match against Manchester United was critical to their victory at Old Trafford. His forays forward open up play. While that may leave Tottenham a bit exposed defensively. The potential is there to balance him out and make him a solid Premier League center back. (On first impression reminds me a bit of David Luiz’s first few months in England, at least in terms of impact, they are definitely not the same player, as Jan is a better defender.)

Pablo Zabaleta, Manchester City

Part of being the champ is that everyone is gunning for you. Teams throwing everything at you is part of the territory. At Chelsea, everyone wants to beat the European Champions. At City, everyone wants to take out England’s champion. Through this and last season, I believe Pablo has been one of Manchester City’s unsung heros. Keep in mind that this is the guy that is keeping Micah Richards out of the starting 11. He is effective both ways, strong, and intelligent. City’s defense hasn’t been as air-tight this season. I am confident City will find its defensive legs soon enough. Zabaleta will be a crucial part of City’s title defense this year as teams keep throwing everything they can at Manchester City. My biggest problem with Zabaleta is his male pattern baldness. It makes me think he’s much older than he is, and I keep underestimating him because I think he probably has to do dialysis daily or has done a shit ton of crosswords instead of train.

Midfielders

Ramires, Chelsea

Imagine a world where Ramires wasn’t made to play right wing the first few games of the season. Okay. Chelsea would have one hand on the title by now. Ramires’ recent (only in the last 2 matches) return to center midfield has allowed Mikel to play his game. It has made Chelsea stronger and has allowed for an attacking 4 of Mata, Hazard, Oscar, and Torres to gel over the past three matches or so across all competitions. His workrate is second-to-none. Of course his passing needs more work, but his movement both defensively and in attack is intelligent. It is obvious that he has put forth the effort while at Chelsea to improve his game. His role in the win over Arsenal at the Emirates was massive, and I expect more from him this season. Now, what to do about those braces.

Joe Allen, Liverpool 

On Being: Liverpool last week, Brendan Rodgers stated that Joe Allen might be 5’ 8”, but in terms of footballing ability, he’s probably the size of the 50-Foot Woman, at least. I agree. Joe Allen is rarely out of position. His passing has only gotten more precise and assertive since I first saw him play for Swansea in the Championship a couple of seasons ago. I’ve been a huge Allen fan, and I’m glad that he is quickly becoming a star on a Liverpool team that is looking for quality and consistency. Not only does he bring poise to the Liverpool squad, he brings an uncanny likeness to Phineas from Phineas and Ferb. That’s something we can all appreciate.

Steven Pienaar, Everton

If you’ve watched Everton play, it may be hard for you to think of a squad with a better left side than Everton. Leighton Baines and Stevie P. cut through teams easily down their flank. A lot of it has to do with the communication between the two and Pienaar’s all around control, incisiveness, and attacking nous. The guy can flat out play, and it’s wonderful to see him back at Everton after a barren and fruitless time at Tottenham.

Eden Hazard, Chelsea

In a gadda da vida, babyyyyy. Don’t you know I’ll always be fouled.

[15 minute organ solo]

He’s been such an impact player for Chelsea, it’s amazing he cost the club £15m less than Fernando ‘Can’t Say No to Suck’ Torres. His ball control is phenomenal. His vision is wonderful, and he is building a footballing rapport with Mata and Oscar, which will make him even more dangerous. Expect great things from Hazard this season and the future. Oh, and thank Christ someone got him to shave off that string of hair framing his face. His facial hair has improved since he started at Chelsea. All good things. 

Raheem Sterling, Liverpool

I’m reluctant to jump on the Sterling bandwagon because with any young Englishman, I feel the pressure of fame and expectation will stunt his development as a player. He needs to be humble and motivated. Sometimes, it’s a good thing to fly under the radar. Rodgers has obviously put his faith in the 17 year-old. He is quick on and off the ball. He makes the occasional poor decision, but who doesn’t? His potential is great, but I’m afraid of the youngster burning out. Also, I try to stay out of the personal lives of footballers as much as possible. Most of the time, I think the media is really inappropriate in how they pry into the lives of footballers in England. I don’t know how true the recent stories are of him being the father of up to 3 children, but I don’t take that as a good sign. You can’t concentrate on football if your life turns into some English, screwed up version of Bébé’s Kids. True or not, if he can focus on football and improving, I think Liverpool have found a wonderful opportunity in Sterling. Good, true wingers in the vein of Antonio Valencia, who is so critical to the success of Manchester United, in my opinion, are hard to find these days.

Striker:

Demba Ba, Newcastle 

I’m just going to leave this here.

And, that’s just normal to him. 

Honorable Mention: Cazorla (Arsenal), Fellaini (Everton), Baines (Everton), Routledge (Swansea), Michu (Swansea), Lambert (Southampton), Mata (Chelsea), Bale (Tottenham), Dembele (Tottenham), Suarez (Liverpool), Johnson (Liverpool), Valencia (Manchester United), Toure (Manchester City), Steven Fletcher (Sunderland), 

TL;DR Chelsea are the best team in the league right now. They have the most players on my team. You’re lucky there aren’t more, and I tried to be impartial. 

My team: Cech (Chelsea), Cole (Chelsea), Olsson (WBA), Vertonghen (Tottenham), Zabaleta (Manchester City), Ramires (Chelsea), Allen (Liverpool), Pienaar (Everton), Hazard (Chelsea), Sterling (Liverpool), Ba (Newcastle)

-dago

European Football, Colonization, and FUN WITH MAPS!

I’ve been so swamped at work, and I’ve found little time to just write for myself, Own Goal, or work on The LOL is Round. I wrote this on a break at work. It took 5 minutes or so [humblebrag]. As soon as this conference is planned and done with, I’ll be ready to take on this upcoming season with lots of poorly thought out pieces and crudely drawn references to things no one gives a shit about, as such:

The critique of the systematic pillaging of the non-European world at the hands of European powers isn’t something new. Since the revolution of revisionist history in the United States and Europe in the 1950s and 1960s and the study of post-colonial ERRYTHANG, English-language literature on the events between 1492 and now has gotten quite expansive. Eduardo Galeano, if you’re looking for a good book on the subject, wrote The Open Veins of Latin America in 1971. It’s wholly depressing, but is a great resource for building one’s understanding of the work that goes into creating a European empire at the expense of countless lives. From the late-15th century until about last week, European powers, at will, through war, disease, papal decree, whatever, carved up the natural and human resources of the non-European world. Europeans got pretty efficient at creating networks of colonial and imperial outposts that served crowns and governments over centuries. America even got in on the action after the War of 1812 and that lil’ Monroe Doctrine-y thing.

This summer marks another off season where European football clubs take their show on the road and hit Africa, Asia, and North America with a typhoon of lazy step overs and out-of-shape footballers. Disturbingly, the way the European and American media speaks about these tours, they seem more like crusades of conquest than anything else — a flexing of European exceptionalism. Most importantly, it’s all part of a new systematic, calculated ‘materialistic’ sacking of new world markets that can provide a place for the selling of English and Spanish goods. Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, United, Arsenal, Real Madrid, Barcelona, Milan, Juve, PSG these are the new global conquistadors of corporate entertainment. United and Arsenal (BTW Arsene Wenger doesn’t like this who touring thing) have their eyes set on Africa, Asia, and the Middle East (so do Real Madrid). Chelsea spends its time and money to make money in the United States and in the process cornering already sports-heavy markets with their royal blue and white, rouble-fueled charm, but everyone wants a piece of that sweet American pie.

Like European conquerors before, clubs in Europe swear that they are spreading the noble truth that is European football that these unwashed, unclothed, and backward peoples really need. It is their duty as emissaries of European football culture. This truth will cleanse the souls of these beasts and also create a uniformity that will make the European products easier to sell and pawn off to people thousands of miles from SW6 or the Champs-Élysées. These noble savages will inevitably throw away their local culture and traditions after having seen the true light that is global marketing strategies.

The winners are no longer decided in a league or cup formet; it is won in the storefronts and online shopping carts outside of Europe. South America, Africa, North America, and Asia, are the new battlegrounds for European competition. And, like the colonization of Africa in the 19th century at the hands of the English, Dutch, Belgians, Germans, Portuguese, Spanish, and Italians, these are both public and private enterprises that benefit the European public and private sectors. 

To be honest, the football is better in Europe. They do have the best players and the best coaches. Everyone on the wrong side of the imaginary line that divides Europe from the rest of us should be proud that their exported products — players like Messi, Suarez, Toure, Drogba, Dempsey, etc. — are repackaged and sold directly to those who helped create these and many other greats of the eternal game.

Shades of the Columbian Exchange. 

Unfortunately, here, there will be no Boer War. Even worse, there will be no Boxer Rebellion or Opium War. This time the conquered are happy to have their new masters. They are welcomed with open arms. I am, at times, that person.

Personally, it’s hard to come to terms with the way clubs, the European media, and even the American media approach these pre-season friendlies. At times I just want to say screw it and not watch a minute and burn all my Chelsea shirts. My rage against the machine usually stops because I realize how much I paid for those shirts. I also really love European football. It’s entertaining.

The same stupid smile I wear on my face when sipping a Coke or buying frivolous piece of technology I felt that I absolutely needed is probably the same smile I exhibit when the European season kicks off. It’s the same smile I have when I get to see my favorite players play against the Sounders or PSG. The smile is a sign of the state of blissful ignorance I have entered when Chelsea Blue is on the screen. I’m conflicted because I feel like I owe my local football culture more, but who isn’t? I try hard to like the MLS and my local team, but my inclination is still there to sing “Blue is the Colour” and bang on about how John Terry couldn’t possibly be racist. 

Screw it.

The MLS All-Stars v. Chelsea Football Club will be aired tomorrow, Wednesday, July 23 on NBC at 7:30PM CST. 

What we have thus far: EPL in late-2010

There were rumors of Zola taking over Wilkins' vacant post, but it was decided that Chelsea supporters would enjoy that a little too much.

The new year is two days away, and the English Premier League season is as out of control as I’ve ever seen it at this point before. As I sit in my room listening to American Football’s self-titled for the 100,000th time, I’m trying to make sense of it all, as I sink into a deep depression.

Chelsea. The apple of my eye. Pride of London. Champions. They’re now in 5th place, and a loss to Bolton away from 6th place [the game will be played later today]. They’ve become the story of the season, again, for the wrong reasons. The past couple of months have been hard as a Chelsea supporter. Injuries, tactical miscalculations, and defensive mistakes have left Chelsea with little hope of repeating as champions of England. At this point, I’m more worried about the future of the club internally. With Arnesen leaving, Wilkins gone, and the possibility of Ancelotti being removed as manager increasing daily, the future of the club’s youth development, ability to acquire proper talent, and long-term success are in peril. I might be looking too far into the future, and sounding the alarm too quickly, but this is how it begins. Before you know it, you wake up in a Russian whorehouse, looking for Shevchenko’s phone number to see if he wants to get the old band together. Times might not get that desperate, but it can happen.

Carlo on the sideline has looked more a distressed door-to-door salesman than a Dolce & Gabbana-clad, world-class manager. Instead of continuing as the team that won their first five league matches by an aggregate score of 100 to -13, Chelsea have had the worst run of form in the last 8 games than any other team in the league and the worst run from the club in a decade. The biggest sin committed by Chelsea is not having wrapped up the title race by the end of November and therefore creating no need to play the rest of the season. Awful.

The team that just embarrassed Chelsea, Arsenal, look like they finally believe in themselves. Less importantly, it seems like those outside of the Arsenal camp are beginning to believe in the young Arsenal squad Wenger has put together. There are no more excuses. This Arsenal team can win the title. Despite having dropped points to much lesser, more physical squads, over the course of the season, the Gunners definitely have what it takes to win it this season.

Their only obstacle is Sir Alex Ferguson. If Manchester United win the title, it’s another example of why Ferguson could be considered the greatest manager in the modern era. Injuries, out of form players, sex scandals, contract negotiations, threats, and Darren Fletcher, have all threatened to tear apart United’s title hopes. SAF has steered the ship, and with two games in hand, they are poised to make that late-season push to secure the championship. They haven’t lost a game for the love of God.

On the other side of Manchester, City have put themselves in second place, and Mancini looks like he might actually be getting something out of a squad overflowing with quality but lacking chemistry. Balotelli is definitely proving his worth with his goal total thus far. Hopefully, his temper won’t get the best of him. Tevez is staying, and Dzeko is on his way from Wolfsburg. Manchester City have great players all over the pitch, and it’s just a matter of time before it all starts clicking. Manchester City will round out the new big four soon enough.

Back in London, Tottenham have inserted themselves into the top four once again. Tottenham’s success might be another story of managerial success. Redknapp has wheeled and dealt himself a wonderful squad from back to front. Unsurprisingly, Van der Vaart is playing like we all thought he was capable of playing. I didn’t think it would work out because, well, it’s fucking Spurs. Again, I was wrong. Bale is having a great Champions League campaign. His form in the Premiership, although relatively not as wonderful as on the continent, has provided extra bite to the Tottenham attack on the left side which compliments Lennon’s work on the right very well. Also, shout out to Alan Hutton who I think does wonderful work at right back, but doesn’t get the credit he deserves.

I think one of the most compelling, and most likely to blow up all crazy-like, stories of the season is the descent of Everton, Villa, Fulham, and the ascension of squads like Bolton and Sunderland. Moyes, Houllier, and Hughes are all trying to pick up the pieces, as Owen Coyle and Steve Bruce have their teams picking up points and places on the table instead.

Personally, Bolton have been the biggest surprise this season, outside of Chelsea’s fall from grace. Elmander is finally playing well. Stuart Holden is making a case for his inclusion into the starting center midfield on the American national team. Petrov and Davies are having the seasons of their lives. Gary Cahill’s management of the backline is exquisite. It’s tough to tell when or if it’ll all go wrong, but I certainly hope it doesn’t. There might be a little nationalist pride involved, but I want Holden to succeed.

Sunderland’s success has to be attributed to their wonderful frontline, specifically Asamoah Gyan. Sunderland might be in danger of relegation if it weren’t for the goals produced by their forwards. In the back, they are stout, but goals get you points. There is much to be desired in the midfield, and eventually, I think this will catch up to them. It’s likely they won’t be playing European football next year, but with results like the win at Stamford Bridge, I could be very wrong. Coupled with Fulham, Everton, and Villa’s inconsistencies, they could find themselves in Belgrade or Kiev soon.

Finally, the three promoted sides are all outside of the relegation zone at this point of the season. West Brom is playing great under the direction of Roberto Di Matteo. At home they are playing great, attacking football. They beat Arsenal earlier this season. Blackpool have been doing the same under the charismatic Ian Holloway and are in the top ten. The Tangerines are probably my favorite team in the Premiership right now, and it has nothing to do with their home and third away kits. They play like they have nothing to lose, and they don’t. Everyone wrote them off as one-and-dones, but that won’t be the case this season. Mr. Holloway has the players believing and playing with confidence. Newcastle have been the most wildly inconsistent team with both huge victories and losses to their name. Nolan and Carroll are playing great, and even Ameobi has netted a few this season (wut?!). Although the back line is questionable, Newcastle will definitely be staying up this season.

Anyway, this hastily written rant has dragged on too much. I can’t wait for the second half of the season. I know Chelsea will bounce back, and I’m also certain that it won’t be enough for a top two finish. There’s still that glimmer of hope, but it might as well have died in the Emirates on Monday. I’ll try to keep you all up with my thoughts on the league as the season progresses. That might be one resolution I might be able to keep.

-dago

Mi Copa del Mundo

To those who didn't know Dani Jarque, Andrés introduced him to 750 million people.

With one swing of his favored right leg, Andrés Iniesta ended World Cup 2010.  Andrés is no stranger to late-game heroics for his club, FC Barcelona.  He and Xavi Hernandez are the engine room for the nuclear powered destroyers of club and country.  Their creativity in the midfield has been unsurpassed by any tandem the past two or three years.  Spain deserve their World Cup.  They are the most creative.  They are the most skilled.  Most importantly to me, and as an example to all other footballing nations, they showed the most conviction.  They stuck to their game plan.  No matter how “anti-football” squads became, they stuck to their guns.  Although they were placed under great scrutiny for their insistence on passing the ball into the net by Europeans and their own countrymen, they are the ones holding the trophy now.  They have the star above their emblem.  They have elevated Spain to the top of the world like Ferdinando and Isabella, like Picasso.  These artists’ work wasn’t disjointed and chaotic.  They won beautifully, gracefully and with confidence.  Something we haven’t seen at a World Cup since Italia ’90.

Alright, now. Since Americans love lists (I should know because I do too), here’s some of my favorite moments/developments from this wonderful World Cup.

  • Siphiwe Tshabalala‘s goal against Mexico was probably touted as goal of the tournament before another goal was even scored in the World Cup.  You could feel the power, fervor, and determination of Africa in that shot.  The accuracy was perfect.  When that ball sailed into the top-right corner, I thought to myself, “Fuck, this might be Africa’s tournament to lose.” How wrong I was.
  • By the fourth minute of the United States match against England, I had my head in my hands.  The ball was in the back of the net and Tim Howard had only Ricardo Clark to blame.  NO! Not again.  Not here.  Please.  What did we do to deserve this.  What lessons did we forget to learn from 2006?  Was England just toying with the world when they had put up stinkers against Mexico and Japan in friendlies before the tournament.  Maybe we were never meant to be here.  We have no right.  Then Clint Dempsey and Robert Green shared a moment that will have a special place in Anglo-American relations for a very long time.  Both our diplomats from London clubs, no not Chelsea and Arsenal, West Ham and Fulham, joined to give the United States the 1-1 victory. A victory in the strict moral and ethical sense. The English, arrogant and bloated, determined to waltz through the group could only muster a pitiful 5 points.  Only goal differential separated the small footballing nation of the United States with the inventors of the “game”.  I hope England can fix themselves before Euro 2012.  It’s always hard watching a girl who peaked in high school still trying to convince the world she’s the belle of the ball.
  • I have been the biggest Spain hater for several years now.  I was never convinced of their ability to win big matches or scrape out victories.  In their first match, Spain was on the wrong end of a 1-0 decision against Switzerland.  Fernandes’s goal, resulting from a mad, scattered dash on the counter attack ended with a bloody Pique on the ground and the ball in the back of the net.  I was certain that was the end of Spain’s World Cup.  Again, I was wrong.
  • Watching Italy lose to Slovakia and by the end of tournament-play being in last place behind New Zealand, a country known for sheep, rocky beaches, Lord of the Rings, and being named after a mildly retarded, flightless bird.
  • I fell asleep during the 7-0 Portugal v. People’s Republic of Korea match.
  • By the end of group play I was convinced this was a South American summer.  The only team to have LOST a game from North, Central, and South America all tournament was Honduras. The semis might have turned into a mini-Copa America. I’ll have to wait until next summer.
  • Not necessarily a moment but a development, the lack of African nations that made it out of group play was astounding.  Perhaps, the world was expecting too much.  The continent is in shambles after all.  Ghana was the only one to get out.  They handled the United States’s attack and countered with greater efficiency that the Americans.  The Africans were more determined that the United States.  If only determination could swat down arms that prevent a squad from being the first African nation to reach the semis in a World Cup.
  • I had the Dutch winning the World Cup in my two brackets.  One I made before the tournament.  The other one I made after group play.  As the first nation to qualify for the cup, I believed that the Netherlands were finally over themselves.  They had decided that playing harshly, with strength and power, not grace, would win them this World Cup.  They were doing it well too.  Van Bommel and De Jong bossed around teams’ midfielders all tournament.  Against Brazil, they threw caution to the wind and pushed and shoved their way to a 2 -1 victory.  They had slain the stumbling dragon Brazil.  They had beaten the favorites.  I assumed the rest of the tournament had become a formality.  The recent history of the tournament had taught me that the rough ones, the hard-nosed brawlers were to win this World Cup.  The Dutch, I felt, were this year’s Italy.  They were the Brazil of ’94.  They had the quality up top but the tenacity and hard-workers in the back.  It was theirs to lose.  They did.
  • Officiating…
  • Anelka telling that “bitch” Domenech to “fuck off”, and the French FA, not Domenech, sending Anelka back home.  Perhaps the French were more upset by Anelka’s preference of the Anglo-Saxon “fuck” and “bitch” than Domenech was at Anelka’s disrespect? The fallout from this episode was something so beautiful it could really only have been French actors in this tragedy.
  • German Youth… in black shirts. Oh, the jokes that were made.

There are so many other moments that I can’t think at this moment that I would love to write about.  This was a great World Cup, no matter how many people are still convinced that it was “plagued” by low scores.

Soccer fans, and those new to the sport. 1-0, 0-0, and 1-1 results are not always boring.  Goals do not make a match.  Tension and release.  That’s what makes good football. Like a masterfully crafted concerto there is nothing like conflict and resolution, even in its smallest and sometimes incalculable measurements.  It was just frustrating to hear people complain about the lack of quality football, when the opera was playing right before their eyes and ears.

Alright, now real football begins. Chelsea Chelsea!

-dago

Verb

Wegnering - v. Managing a team that consistently does not win important matches, and still managing to keep one's job because of the successes of one season.

The Internet Age is evolving our language.  Everyday people learn new terms and phrases that eventually sink into our daily use.  Phrases like, “I googled your mom last night!”; “FML”; “I’ll YouTube it later!”; and “I’m toats gonna bangbus it tonight,” are commonplace now.  But a lot of these terms are converted from proper nouns.  These select few have branded themselves so well that we use their name as an action.  What’s amazing is that they’ve al become part of our language somewhat organically.  Google never really told us to use their name as a verb, yet we do.  It’s just a strange phenomenon to me.  I never say I’m going to Honda it over to your house.  However, I’m going to start doing that.

I tweeted at someone this morning.  There. I did it.

I hope that I get verbed some day.  Maybe my impact on American life and culture will be so great that people will eventually “dago” something.  How will I get there?  I don’t know.  I can go the “Miley being Miley” route and just become an overly-marketed commodity.  I could start a business.  Or, I could become a royal fuck up.  All of these require me to get famous somehow.  This will prove difficult.

What will it mean? Judging from my current career/personal path it can be a host of things:

  • Sit at home and feel sorry for yourself
  • Act out in an attempt to draw attention to oneself
  • Make coffee while attempting to maintain a sense of self-worth
  • Go to graduate school to press the snooze button on life
  • Impulsively become obsessed just to watch your interest subside with the changing of the tide
  • BE RAD AS SHIT

The last one seems a bit out of reach, but still attainable if I start doing some borderline Indiana-Jones-meets-Steven-Segal-in-a-death-match-in-Castle-Greyskull-ish shit.

I think we should all think about what our verb-ed name would come to represent.  Maybe we would act differently.  Currently, mine would probably mean, “Someone who wears themselves thin only to pile on more shit into their lives to the point where they become non-functional and fucking douchey.”

I’m totally dagoing myself right now,

Dago