I don’t really believe in astrology or horoscopes or whatever. This isn’t a wild new idea. People talk about what a racket it is all the time. Uh, except for that part about Sagittariuses (sp? I don’t know how to use Goggle). That’s true.
In high school, someone showed me some Geocities site with a bunch of ~cool facts~ about Geminis. Apparently, I’m a “dead on” Gemini. I read the thing, and I was like, “Yeah, wow, uh huh. Crazy how accurate this thing is. I definitely… [squints] have eyes.”
Even though I was skeptical, one thing stuck out to me from that list of ~dank faxxx~. It said Geminis like to start projects and never finish them. I took offense to that. I tried to be a Little Urban Achiever about everything, even my passions.
Now, I’m 30, and I think I’ve made one-to-several attempts at B E I N G the following things: smart, soccer writer, a happy nonprofit employee, lead guitarist of your favorite indie band, runner, gamer, healthy person, History professor, reader — the list goes on.
Every time I came to the realization that I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my goals of B E C O M I N G this idea of a thing, I would get super upset. I kept feeling like I was validating that pink Geocities site with every one of my “failures” to follow through.
I would become discouraged to pick a thing back up because I kept feeling like a hypocrite for not following through on the things that I really wanted to do in the first place. In my head, I kept judging myself for vacillating.
Me: I think I’m going to try writing again
Brain [which is definitely a Twitter egg]: yeah dude you could do that or you could have not quit in the first place quitter your just gonna quit again loser
This feeling also affected my ability to start things up. Yeah, we’ve got the podcast, and I love BFD. It’s the best thing to happen to me in a long time. But, there are so many great things that I haven’t followed through on or stayed with because of a fear of failure/being a hypocrite.
This year, my 30th year in existence, I’ve realized that, uh, maybe that’s just how life is, and I just take a chill pill. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself for not following through on something. Also, the planet (Earth) is doing such a great job of beating us down with all this crap that we should be okay with ourselves being a little flaky about oh idk a burger blog or something.
Life so far has been about picking things up and setting them down again or maybe not giving up on them at all. I don’t play guitar as much as I used to. The last time I wrote about soccer Obama was still in his first term. I blog once a year about my favorite music.
I’m coming back to this old, rickety thing because I feel like a) my writing skills haven’t gotten any better 2) people keep telling me to III) I’m really self-involved.
So, I guess I’m back. Hey, maybe I’ll stick with this time!
PS: Here’s a gif of you all accepting my return with open arms.