How are you doing tonight?

I actually saw someone do the "Too Much Satan for One Hand" last night non-ironically, and I got sad. :(

Last night, after work, my friend (aka Dravis Tarby) and I went to see a few bands play some catchy tunes.  Emo’s was taken over by a small touring metal showcase with a bunch of bands we really didn’t care about, but Tarby and I have been talking about going to see Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza for years now.  So, we went ahead, bit the bullet, and sat through some rather boring, sorta annoying metal bands, like Falsetta.

It being Austin, August, and a metal showcase saturated with cookie-cutter crud, the atmosphere was less buzzing than you would expect at a metal show.  Austin isn’t really a metal town.  Everyone was about 15.  The bartenders were suffering of boredom due to the sea of minors.  It was like 110º yesterday afternoon.  It just wasn’t a really pleasant place to be unless you really wanted to be there. Even Dravis was getting annoyed, and that kid is more metal that we can even contemplate, which is probably why he was getting annoyed. ANYWAY…

Aside from the lollable breakdowns and lack of creativity I found one more thing all of these bands had in common, the nagging insecurity of a teenager.  In the middle of every set:

“AUSTIN! [enter crazy-ass screech] HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ TONIGHT?! [pause for hootin’/hollerin’] Fuuuuuck yeah! I was hoping nothing had changed from the last time someone asked you that, which was about 15 minutes ago! YEAAAAH! Y’ALL LIKE BAD DATES?!”

When they asked the crowd that I really wanted to let them know how I was doing. “Yeah, I’m really sleepy. It’s also really goddamn hot out here. Can you guys hurry up? I’m trying to catch Tony Danza.  I’m going to vamoose afterward.  I’d really like some tea and to catch some television.”

I just started playing in a band with some pretty great dudes, and I promise you and them that I will never ask an audience how they are doing.  Why?  Because, I would actually want to know.  I actually give a shit about how someone is doing when I ask them.  It just seems too easy.

People have a bad habit of asking how someone is doing and making it all too obvious how little they actually care for a response.  Asking a crowd of people how they are doing, an attempt to elicit a response that makes a band feel better about not doing well, is just an easy way to get people riled up.  “How are you doing tonight?” is the concert equivalent to the “Charge” sound bite at basketball games.  I don’t want to be directed to cheer and yell.  I should want to do it.  If I’m not, this might just be the worst date ever.



PS: What kind of bands do y’all think Ellen Page likes? :/

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