Despite internet pornography/social networking sites and the microwave, modernity has given us the wonderful privilege of being constantly bombarded with fucked up situations and possibilities. Every time you step outside your front door, or backdoor depending on circumstance or 70s classic rock band you front, you leave yourself vulnerable to a host of dangers. You could get randomly electrocuted, or even its most brutal extreme blood-trocuted. You could get hit by a bus being driven by a chronic texter. You could stumble into the crossfire of a gang battle over the artistry of Kanye West or the debate over whether or not Glee is too gay/not gay enough for TV.
The inclement weather in Austin today could create a slippery enough surface that I could bust the back of my head on the stairs outside. Today’s weather could knock out all of the power to the security grid we’ve so tirelessly built, releasing all of our predatory dinosaurs and allowing them to roam free to kill our favorite black actors.
I’m not much of a risk taker, but I’m aware of the dangers that await me out “there”. Despite the horrifying likelihood that we all get in an awful car crash at some point in our lives, I get in “El Guerito” and drive to work like a good citizen on a daily basis. I laugh in the face of being approached by a vagabond or transient in a South Austin cafe and being asked for change. Every moment I pass off a latte to an unsuspecting businessman or douche-fag is a death wish.
I can get H1N1! What would happen to me?!?!? I’m only 23! I can’t die from someone not washing their hands! Even then, there’s apparently some terrifying side-affect to the H1N1 vaccine that I just discovered that has sworn me off vaccinations and probably the whole Enlightenment Era in general.
I’m not much of a risk taker. It took me ages to even consider doing ESPN’s Streak for the Cash, and that’s free. I never buy anything out of impulse anymore. This might be caused by my lack of substantial income, but I also don’t want to have to eat dirt for a couple of weeks because I decided I needed thirteen Wild Side Snuggies for my friends and family. I suppose this is why my life is pretty plain for the most part. I never go downtown because I’m petrified of dude-bros and their persistence on being. I never go on camping trips because I watched too many slasher films. I never say much to women between the ages of 20-25 anymore because they’re mostly self-involved succubi that have no motive but to be insufferable. OK, I don’t mean that… only sort of. I don’t hang out or jam with guys that aren’t my friends because I’m always afraid I’ll be disappointed with who they are and what they’re about. That’s usually the case. I couldn’t just move somewhere unless there was something concrete and worthwhile there.
Security in oneself and their future is derived from hard work and diligence.
Even in the seemingly most secure moments, it’s hard to push yourself over that edge. You have to convince yourself you’ve done enough. You have to trust yourself. For any great self-loather, that’s quite the task.
I appreciate risk-takers in whatever capacity they choose. At times, they can be the embodiment of strength. In business, it takes a strong personality to make something work. In art, it takes a strong spirit to push through the drudgery and pain. In relationships, it takes a strong mind to be able to deal with the bullshit artists and shitty situations you put yourself in. In poker, it takes strong nerves to sit at a table with me CUZ I COM TO TAEK ALL UR MONNNEEZZ LOLOLMAO! [I have never won a table in my life.]
I’m going to start taking baby risks.
Like throwing them in the air,
PS: The new Between the Buried and Me album comes out tomorrow. I am so psyched!
PPS: Fell in love with Devil Sold His Soul today.
PPPS: The Texans, Longhorns and Chelsea all won this weekend. Let’s give it up for my favorite teams!