Kinder (Read only if you’re depressed :P)

While I was checking out someone at our local Barnes & Noble, I made a comment about their purchases.  They were buying a bunch of Disney DVDs and books.  I asked, “Is this for your kids or personal use?”  They laughed and said it was for their kids, but a little of both.  Then he asked me if I had any of my own. I asked, “Kids?! Uh. No. Ha.”

First of all, this made me feel fucking old.  I know I’ve got this beard, but I don’t look that old do I? I’m only 23!! Then, my mind stumbled upon the next plausible explanation for him asking if I had kids.  This fucking racist thinks that because I’m Latino I must have 14 kids at home! All we do is procreate, you know.

After I calmed down, I realized he was just making conversation.  I’m the asshole.

My mind wandered, as it always does on those slow Thursday mornings, “What would life be like if I had a kid?”  Well, I think I’ll make a wonderful father.  I like kids a lot.  I love teaching them stuff, playing around and getting into trouble with them.  You can watch/tape them do stupid shit and get it America’s Funniest Home Videos and get paid, son!

But who would I be married to?  You can’t have a kid without marriage, right?  At least, that’s what the television has taught me.  I can’t think of one television show that kind of normalizes the concept of coming from a single-parent household.  You can’t count the Gilmore Girls because that show sucked, and no one’s mom is that cool/bangable.  And you can’t count Bachelor Dad because he was really her uncle. Most long-running television shows have families that are structured around a traditional father-mother system that works pretty well.

Television and movies push the traditional because it’s what we expect.  Although my parents are divorced, I still expect to see two parents lovingly consoling their children on a couch or in the backyard telling them it’ll be okay.

All of the dysfunction and mayhem is supposed to be caused in our adolescent years.  The media I consume insists that while I was in college I must have gone to tons of frat parties, drank a lot and ate Ramen on the daily.

TV and Film almost serve like middle-class guiding posts for our lives.


  • Be a raucous boy, who gets in trouble in school a lot, but means well. Boys will be boys, y’know! [x]
  • Play competitive sports and do well in school [x]
  • Attend a university and attain a degree [x]
  • Fall in love with girl [ ]
  • Get married [ ]
  • Have a kid [ ]
  • FUCKING DIE! [ ]

(If you ever need a refresher, refer to your closest television and watch the CW.)

Whatever happens in between these stages is just filler.  THIS is what we’re supposed to do.  For whatever reason, people push this process on themselves.  I’ve pushed this process on myself.  I’m quickly learning that kids, marriage, mortgages and everything is a fucking lie.  They’re all as empty as the collective promise of love.

This is perhaps my biggest problem.  I can’t seem to understand why we push each other to love.  We tell ourselves that it’s what’s right.  We must find someone.  We must tell them we love them.  We must start a family.  It seems like this is the central theme to a lot of our problems.

“Love” isn’t really love.  It’s a rhetorical tool we use to get our way.  Love of country means more bodies for us to throw at our enemies.  Love of oneself ensures that no one cares about what happens outside of their bubble.  Love of others ensures that no one takes property, kills or steals.

I’m not saying it doesn’t exits, because I’m pretty sure I’ve felt it before, and I feel it for my parents and my friends, but there’s definitely a point where you have to evaluate whether or not you have deluded yourself.

Evaluatin’ da origunz of deez tingz helpz.


4 thoughts on “Kinder (Read only if you’re depressed :P)”

  1. “Then, my mind stumbled upon the next plausible explanation for him asking if I had kids. This fucking racist thinks that because I’m Latino I must have 14 kids at home! All we do is procreate, you know.”

    Stop writing sentences that are this funny. I can’t handle the hilarity.

  2. I’m going to have to disagree with you on the emptiness of life and how delusional you must be. But, that said, love is love because you find someone who fits. It starts with the need to bone – which is really what we exist or do anything in life for. I mean, if you don’t have a job, chicks won’t bone you, unless you have an inheritance. But I digress. The point is, like you’ve told me before: find someone you think is beautiful and that works with you and thinks of you the same way and is smart and completes you because they are your life crutch. In life, you need a crutch sometimes, or someone to tell you you’re being a fucking idiot. Like me. Or Jason. Or your future wife. Because we can’t always tell you to stop doing stupid shit, or that that’s a really bad idea – because you won’t tell us about everything. That’s what love is. Someone who cares enough to tell you to stop being a dumbass. Also, all the other fairy tale shit too.

    1. I wasn’t saying life was empty. :) I was saying the stories about “true” love are pretty much lies or just hope. Meh. I love my life :)… sometimes.

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