Gettin’ Paid

I wish I could have hung out with Mike Jones "back then". Now he just seems like an a-hole.
I wish I could have hung out with Mike Jones "back then". Now he just seems like an a-hole.

The “Fuck Bitches, Get Money” model is pretty prevalent where I’m from.  Besides the humidity and smog, Houston is well-known for its flashy rappers, candy paint, cough syrup and me, of course.

I never felt comfortable thinking that way.  Blood diamonds just aren’t my thing.  I guess I can thank the middle-class values television taught me (See post: Kinder).  Perhaps, it was because my family came from El Salvador in the 1980s and their priorities were as such:

  1. Don’t get blown up
  2. Everything else

They had no time to get ghetto rich.  Momma and Big Poppa “Jig on the cover of Fortune” (which is how I actually refer to my father on the phone) worked two jobs and had to take care of my bobble-head. They instilled in me a sense of propriety which I never got from the kids around me. They didn’t get here and become enthralled in the high-life of America in the 1980s.  They were hard-working people from Central America that didn’t take no guff.

Unfortunately for my parents and their retirement plans, I decided that money wasn’t the most important thing to me.  I assumed problems followed dollar signs–Thanks, Puff.  As I incur more debt by going to grad school and wasting time away from the workforce, I can’t help but feel a little bit behind the curve.  I’m poor, foo’! In fact, my game is not “tight”.

I’m quickly realizing that I have entered a different sort of rat-race.  It’s not about who’s got the latest SEGA console or sickest POG collection anymore, it’s a contest of who’s the coolest.  I’m not talking about who gets to be the “Red Ranger” either.

I don’t know if this happens at this age or not.  I assume that people who graduated from college are just finding new ways to feel validated and acknowledged.  I have no delusions, this blog is my attempt at this.  I’m getting my ideas out there and hearing feedback.  But it’s usually from my friends and takes the form of:

  • roflcopters i haz one soisoisoisoisoisoisoi
  • u r teh ghey
  • “The Double Whammy” – Your blog was really funny, but it doesn’t change the fact that everyone’s mom thinks you’re gay.

People feel validated by different things like money, relationships, sexual partners, grades, etc.  I guess it’s all up to you.  I’m happy with what I have right now.  I’m a barista/bookseller.  I’ve got great friends that I love dearly.  My parents are amazing.  I live in a beautiful city.

However, it would be really nice to be able to buy whatever the hell I want.  This week, some Russian dude put in a bid to buy the New Jersey Nets.  Okay. Maybe it wasn’t the best move to try to buy the Nets, but they might move to NYC.  I would buy Fox News…

  • I would buy Fox News then tie Glenn Beck to a chair, put him in front a television and let him talk until he has an aneurysm or his heart gives out.  I’ll make sure the cameras aren’t on.  Promise.
  • I would buy the rights to Family Guy and stop production.
  • I would revive Michael Jackson and have him die again so I could go through that wonderful two-month period where the only thing anyone talked about was him.
  • I would travel through time and settle At the Drive-In’s differences so we could have seen what music would have been like with them around in the early-2000s. Same for Refused.
  • I would buy the Sun and name it “The Carl”.
  • I would get whistle-tips.
  • I would find where the gold is.
  • I would make sure that all your base are belong to me.
  • I would become immortal.
  • I would get a kitten.
  • I would be EVERYTHING!

I would get everyone the Healthcare they fucking deserve,


PS: Sorry for the super-meme list. I just love those.

2 thoughts on “Gettin’ Paid”



    …okay now that I’ve gotten the normal response out of my system,
    you should feel validated by the fact that surprisingly, customers like you even though you tell them their taste in music sucks. I don’t know how you do it, I mean I agree with sucks.

    But you’re right, now I get my validation from grades and interviews and my friends. You know, you should be a secret shopper – that’s way to make bank on your spare time and then you can buy the next Sega.

    If I had money, I’d find a way to not have to sleep, so I can play more games, make more money, and then give it all to my friends and family. But first, I have to have the games.

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